my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
