I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
