just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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