I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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