All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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