During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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