Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
