have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
