Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
