You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
