We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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