Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
