My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
