it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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