don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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