i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
