Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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