Me too!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
