the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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