I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
