I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
