how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What drink are we having for lunch?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
