I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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