yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
