Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
