i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
