soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
