hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
