he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
