He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
