Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
