His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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