i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
false alarm, still single
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