we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
