I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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