She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
