Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
