I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
