We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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