Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
