i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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