I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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