last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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