Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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