he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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