I am puke
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
