i wish my penis had a tongue
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
