he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
