last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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