I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
