We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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